It's just me

June 2, 2023

Edited October 23, 2023

Dedicated to all the lonely people

One Love, One Life

According to the hit song from the '60s by Three Dog Night, "One is the loneliest number." I could not agree more. I have been living alone now for almost two years, and I can say that I have never felt more lonely than I do now. The truth is, I've never felt lonely until now because I've always been in someone's company. Other than a few months when I separated from my 1st wife, I've never been alone. I separated from my 2nd wife in May of 2021, and since then, I have spiraled into despair, loneliness, and depression. Loneliness, something I had never been through, is now my new normal, and accepting that has not been easy. I've not accepted it. I'm doing all I can to reconcile with my wife; however, it remains a mystery whether she will return to me.

One (Is The Loneliest Number) – Three Dog Night

Forced apart

In my previous dwelling, I was surrounded by widows and widowers, and single people. I saw these people living alone and somehow getting through the days and wondered how they did it. I can remember when my grandfather, a war veteran, was placed in the care of the "Anciens Combattants" hospital in Ste-Anne-De-Bellevue due to Alzheimer's. I don't think I realized until now, until I found myself more or less sequestered and alone, just what it must have been like for him and his wife. I remember he used to call her and ask if he could come home. She had to somehow turn him down over the phone. Think about that. Imagine having spent 60 years together and suddenly being pulled apart and forced to live separately. What must that have been like? I can only imagine the unbearable emotional pain at times.

Un bizou entre chimpanzé

We are all chimps

As primates, we are inherently social creatures that are meant to bond with each other and build networks of people we care about and that care about us. And as humans, most of us rely on loving personal relationships as an important part of life. Just think about the hundreds of thousands of love songs that have been written about losing, finding, or cherishing a partner. Some of those songs are absolutely heart-wrenching. Or the beautiful poems that have been written over thousands of years. It's clear that we are not meant to be alone, yet sadly, many people end up alone and lonely. I never imagined ending up here, with just myself to keep me company, but here I am. I have virtually no one in my life. My parents have passed on, and many family members and close friends have also passed away. My closest friends live hours away. My one and only sister lives in New Jersey and my son lives 2 hours away from me. And, because of my poor health, I am unemployed, so I don't have a work environment I can depend on for social stimulation, nor do I go out, save for the occasional movie with my cousin. Going to restaurants alone is so tough. I love to eat out, but let's face it, most people go out for dinner as a couple or family or with friends. People look at you funny when you sit alone. You get singled out as the outcast. It's uncomfortable. My life was once full and brimming with friends, family, work colleagues, and clients; I never imagined it could all just get whittled away like this. But, little by little, bit by bit, it all disappeared - just vaporized before I could even recognize what was happening.

This one goes out to the one I love

I hope and pray every day that my wife and I will reconcile. I know that things spiraled out of control between us, but as I look back, I can see how much she meant to me and how deeply in love I still am with her. I miss her terribly. It's a mad, mad world without her in mine.

Written by Patrick Franc - a.k.a. Your Friendly Neighborhood Bionic Man

The One I Love – R.E.M.



    Courage Cousin <3 Being single and on our own may not be for everyone, but I believe everyone should experience it - it's the only way to really get to know ourselves and build a stable healthy boundary system. In my experience, I followed everyone else's schedule - but I do have fond memories of my own habits -- I never sleep well, and I adopted opportunities at 2am to write poetry, sometimes draw, mostly listening to music and dreaming. Of course with health or physical challenges things can be different: I remember Grandma having her gardener, someone that would help around the house, she was with meals on wheels too --- it doesn't happen from the get-go; independence is earned slowly; for Grandma it took a couple of years before she was "at home". Breathe, Cousin, give yourself a chance <3

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